Woven – Unwoven

Woven: “I don’t want you!” he was saying. “I hate everything you are!” was the thing she heard. The words flowed repeatingly in her imagination crushing into her thoughts obliterating any other option in their matter. She was fighting. Fighting her muscles not to contort her face in agony. Looking up, hoping to let her tears rest in her lids, instead of being pulled down her face by the ever existing gravitational force she is perceiving in all it’s magnificence. “What’s wrong?” he asks. “What have I done?” His face masquerading in bliss trying to act as if nothing has happened. And then she realizes his acting. She understands that he has never loved. She is just a trigger for him to feel the feeling he never had but has seen in her. And now he thinks he doesn’t need a trigger anymore. Her vast feeling of loneliness spreads and makes room in her. Were she had no room before because she was filled up with his demands, his wishes. She tried her best to make them happen, changed herself, even tried to find him a better job. In this moment she realizes that she always gave and had nothing in return. But she has every right to receive which she never had room for to accept. Tons of make up made her face look like an expressionists painting, while her true feelings wash the memories of his demand from her face leaving a black scar of colour. And then she realizes, that she doesn’t need him! She feels her emotions uniting themself into one powerful feeling that reaches out and takes in everything. She can’t control herself. Crying out loud! No more hiding! No more control on herself brought upon her by tyrannic demands. She is free and in this freedom she understands his foolishness. She closes her eyes concentrating on this feeling. When she opens her eyes again she is another person. She drank the Elixir and regained her youth. She looks at her two hands. He is curiously watching her change and his blissfull face changes. He isn’t watching her from the top anymore and his face changes into fear. Tears start running from his cheeks. She takes two steps taking him into her arms changing herself from the weeping one to the consoler. The hope of new opportunities gives her strength. The wetness of her tears feels like drying glue.

Unwoven: The hard sensation of a stony wall runs through my skin. I feel numbness spreading calling for the pain to come. I feel the pain flowing into my body sending unmistaken requests for defeat. But I don’t give in. I taste the very feeling of each of it’s nuances. Because there is nothing to miss. Nothing to seek without the cause which has brought me here. I have nothing! I have everything! These are the only thoughts that matter to me right now. To many punches I have eaten. Bitter medicine to teach me the rules by which the world thinks it can justify it’s existence. Powerfull waves of crying urges running through my body, Crushing my inner self into one emotion. I feel nothing. I feel everything. The feeling pulls me out of my body. Letting me observe myself from a point where I am not me but I am truthfully. “No! It is not a wall!” I say it out loud and suddenly the sensation softens. I feel cracks in my bones as I embrace this softness. “I will die! Not by the hand of unreasonable hardship but the softness of this world. I feel at ease. Knowing that I will drown in my own consciousness in letting it go and giving it to the world. Moments go leaving me one last thought to produce. “Between my left and my right hand there is my whole body! Embrace!”

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s