“I am afraid of losing control over myself. Because any hope I had, anything which gave me trust to others is currently fading away. Instead I try what the world wants and try to cultivate myself to the forms the world wants me to be. If I can find my gap in this world, I will finally find my love or people will acknowledge me. Just fight! Adjust to the world and fight until you find your spot.” is a thought I catch myself with every now and then. I want to fight but I don’t want to control myself,! I want to be as I am! There is even a term they teach you when you have lost to the “others” and start controlling yourself because you see others as your enemy or you have a strong need to have the structures of the world define how you feel. All for the moment, that if you give in to the structures of the world, you will not feel at ease with yourself at last, because you have a disease. There are names for it, when you obsessively try to do something because the world compels you to take a certain way of life or do something just to fit in. A Disease. Which you can read in books! Heck, there are whole chapters in catalogs with names like DSM-V or ICD 10 about it. Very adequate categorizations of your misbehavior. Continue reading
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.
~Pierre Teilhard de Chardin